Home alone the other day…so I got the camera out and started clicking. Toby was my not completely willing subject, but I guess that’s what it’s all about right!?
I guess I should begin with saying that I’m an adult…apparently.
But I was brought up in the age of technology – Gameboy Colour was our first foray into video games (actually, there was this cool game on the computer that I vaguely remember playing as a very small child) and from there I guess the gaming devices evolved from there. Well, our parents did limit it as much as possible and we still had to do plenty of playing outside.
So I suppose from there my ability to use technology became second nature – like most young people today I can pick up a gadget and figure it out fairly easily. Phones, games, cameras, computers and well, basically anything with a screen aren’t a mystery to me after I’ve had a chance to explore.
Yet other generations seem to have no clue. My dad still takes ten minutes to send a text and my Nanna has masking tape with instructions on her TV remote. I’m often asked for help with technology from those of the older generation with things that are second nature to me.
I don’t mind helping, but I find it annoying when my generation is berated for using technology as much as we do. Next minute, they’re asking for help with their gadget. I guess I just find it short-sighted when they just change their standing at whim to suit them. You can’t say to someone they spend too much time doing something then ask them for help with it. To me anyway.
Another day when we went out checking sheep. It was stinking hot so we felt a bit bad about disturbing them from their camping under the trees.
I tend to be pretty shy. Most people don’t really see it but at parties and other social gatherings, I hate being the centre of attention (generally, depending on how many people are around) and stick to people I know – almost to the stage of being annoying. (sorry) If I can’t find someone to annoy I’ll just…sit somewhere quiet.
It’s weird, because when I was four (apparently) I started learning piano (taught by my mum then Aunty) and at the end of the year I had to perform at a concert. There was also an eisteddfod at another town that we’d go to once a year where the judge would give you a score (fair, satisfactory, good, very good, outstanding…or something along those lines). All up, we’d have a couple of performances in front of big (well, 100 or so people) crowds. So you’d think after a couple of years of learning songs then performing them, I’d get used to going up in front of someone and showing them what I can do. Well. No.
Playing the piano in front of ANYONE (or even if I know people can hear but they’re in another room and can’t see me) makes me nervous. My fingers freeze, I suddenly don’t know the next bit, I lose rhythm, I start panicking that I’ll mess up and then…I mess up. *shock horror* No matter how well I know the song!
For my Year 12 TEE Music exam I had to play my pieces in front of I think three examiners. It was somehow worse than the AMEB piano exam nerves… Even with my trusty rescue remedy! The good news is, I managed to get through that exam without dying (I know, you’re thinking, “How did she do it?”), even managed to play my pieces without my fingers completely failing me and life continued on. I also passed!
I don’t think I’m a bad pianist. I think I’m reasonably good (once I’ve learned a piece – not one of those gifted people who can sight-read or play by ear) and can play fairly well when I’m not under pressure. It’s just people who mess it up for me. I mean nerves. Or my expectations for myself so that people will like me?
Nowadays I don’t have a piano (yet!) but if I get on a piano I can play in front of people…maybe it’s because I’m that desperate to get my paws on a piano? There’s not so much at stake? I could be learning that people don’t care if you’re not a concert pianist in the making?